[A nod. She doesn't need to say any more than that. Even without the full context of it he can grasp the kind of pressure she might be under based on what she's told him before.
He reaches over to briefly squeeze her arm.]
Better to be like that, yeah? [Then a sigh, slow and heavy as he turns his eyes up to the ceiling.]
Me and Abel, we... we don't have anything like that, but... there's history there that makes it hard to just be two people together, sometimes.
[She got to laugh at Zack when he tried doing a blond streak, he made fun of her for being so fussy about being cute. And they enjoyed being themselves. The most important part.]
But you two don't have that. So...it seems it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Not that I'm saying anything new. I'm sure it's been difficult just to be here.
[A shrug. It isn't something he gets into that much because honestly, it's a tired topic.]
There's a gap there. Abel doesn't... get what it feels like to be in prison. Not like I do. But at least he's stopped trying to get me to play along with this shitshow.
['How can someone so smart be so fucking stupid' is something that has crossed Alexei's mind more than once.
But then he looks over at her with a wry smile.]
You can't? Alliance had communal showers too. I use Abel's sometimes. Or Florian's. [Shrug.] But if I need to I'll use those. Just make sure it's quiet. Usually is.
[He shakes his head a bit.]
Less need to defend myself from a shiv in the back here, and I don't give a shit if anyone sees my bare ass. They can look all they want.
[He studies her for a moment. Aerith is someone who consistently surprises him with the things she says and the experiences she's had. Maybe that's why he's not as shocked as he could be to hear her say something like that.]
I'd bet.
[There's no reason for him to doubt her assumption.]
For me, prison was... [Huff.] Prison on the colonies is... it's bad. There are supposed to be rules, but Mars is a long fucking way from Earth.
[He lifts his tea to disguise the faint tremor in his hand, letting the cup rest against his lower lip for a couple of seconds as he focuses very intensely on a single blade of grass somewhere out in front of him.]
I knew what I was doing. [Alexei tells her quietly.] I could have done everything differently, but I didn't.
[He shakes his head.]
Abel got the worst version of me I could have been. It wasn't just the Alliance that hurt him. I did.
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I have quite a few people from my world here. Sometimes it's wonderful.
Other times, it's great to start fresh without the history.
As it is, Zack and I don't know everything about what they other has done.
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Hm. You don't?
[Starting fresh without the history... That statement sure hits in a way she probably didn't mean it to.]
He from later on than you?
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Or he has information from the future- my future at least.
[She sighs quietly.]
Vincent hasn't been shy about sharing the future info either.
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[He frowns a little at that.]
I've met Vincent a few times. Had him figured for someone who had a bit more class than that.
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[Her smile was a little crooked, and she offered a small shrug.]
It's better that I know now. He knows as well as anyone that I've...been under pressure before.
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[It is like Aerith to give someone grace like that, he thinks, and he looks at her curiously for a moment or two.]
That's what you're gonna call it?
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That's the kindest way to put it. I...well.
[She offered a sheepish shrug, before glancing around to check for privacy.]
Cetra are just about dead as a race. So it comes with a lot of pressure. Power and responsibility, and all that.
I'm just glad it never came up with Zack and I. We were just...two people, most of the time.
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He reaches over to briefly squeeze her arm.]
Better to be like that, yeah? [Then a sigh, slow and heavy as he turns his eyes up to the ceiling.]
Me and Abel, we... we don't have anything like that, but... there's history there that makes it hard to just be two people together, sometimes.
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[She got to laugh at Zack when he tried doing a blond streak, he made fun of her for being so fussy about being cute. And they enjoyed being themselves. The most important part.]
But you two don't have that. So...it seems it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Not that I'm saying anything new. I'm sure it's been difficult just to be here.
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[A shrug. It isn't something he gets into that much because honestly, it's a tired topic.]
There's a gap there. Abel doesn't... get what it feels like to be in prison. Not like I do. But at least he's stopped trying to get me to play along with this shitshow.
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[She winced. Abel...could be so smart. But also real dense.]
Do you have any...rules, that you use for being here?
Like...I can't picture you using the Inmate showers.
[Too exposed.]
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But then he looks over at her with a wry smile.]
You can't? Alliance had communal showers too. I use Abel's sometimes. Or Florian's. [Shrug.] But if I need to I'll use those. Just make sure it's quiet. Usually is.
[He shakes his head a bit.]
Less need to defend myself from a shiv in the back here, and I don't give a shit if anyone sees my bare ass. They can look all they want.
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[Not that she's looked. That'd be weird to do to a sibling.]
But it's the shiv thing I was thinking of, not your butt. I'm not sure how it was with the Alliance. Neither have you have told me about it.
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Well... what do you wanna know?
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What was it like? For you. Was it like prison?
Because...it sounds like you and Abel view it very differently.
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Yeah, we do.
[Alexei rubs a hand over his face.]
Abel joined the Alliance by choice. I was conscripted.
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From a prison.
[She peered up at him.]
Wanna know a secret?
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Then he cocks his head slightly.]
Sure.
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I dislike being in small confined spaces because of prison cells.
But mine was likely much...different then yours.
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I'd bet.
[There's no reason for him to doubt her assumption.]
For me, prison was... [Huff.] Prison on the colonies is... it's bad. There are supposed to be rules, but Mars is a long fucking way from Earth.
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The morning, the doors were unlocked and me and my friends could escape.
The days I was there...I,was terrified. There was no one to stop...him from doing all the things he planned for me.
At least I got out with support. But you- they twisted your arm, right? You would have done anything to feel safe.
I know I would have.
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I got offered an out by the Alliance. Something that seemed easy. Just do what they said and they'd clear my record.
[He sniffs slightly and rubs his free hand around the back of his neck.]
I failed twice. Abel was my last shot. If I fucked it up with him they were gonna send me back. [There's a small, bitter smile at that.]
'Back where you belong', Bering would say. He knew sending me back there would be a death sentence.
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And they sound like super awful people. And...I've met some super awful people.
You did what you had to right? Just do the job, stay somewhere that's safer then where you were, whatever those crummy people said?
[Alexei...he was so young. Vulnerable. Trapped.
A perfect pawn.]
I won't ask what it is. I just know when you find a rope, you try to take it.
Even if it leaves blood on your hands.
You feel awful but...the Alliance- Bering- took advantage of you.
They hurt you. And they hurt Abel. They used you both.
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I knew what I was doing. [Alexei tells her quietly.] I could have done everything differently, but I didn't.
[He shakes his head.]
Abel got the worst version of me I could have been. It wasn't just the Alliance that hurt him. I did.
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I'm not pretending you're perfect.
But you're not the worst either.
[She took in a deep breath.]
You feel guilt, and you admit you messed up. That's a long way from being the worst person.
And you're still my brother. And I love you.
And I'll still love you, even if you did something horrible to Abel.
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