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['How can someone so smart be so fucking stupid' is something that has crossed Alexei's mind more than once.

But then he looks over at her with a wry smile.]

You can't? Alliance had communal showers too. I use Abel's sometimes. Or Florian's. [Shrug.] But if I need to I'll use those. Just make sure it's quiet. Usually is.

[He shakes his head a bit.]

Less need to defend myself from a shiv in the back here, and I don't give a shit if anyone sees my bare ass. They can look all they want.

I'm sure your butt is very nice.

[Not that she's looked. That'd be weird to do to a sibling.]

But it's the shiv thing I was thinking of, not your butt. I'm not sure how it was with the Alliance. Neither have you have told me about it.

[He tilts his head slightly. Not his favourite topic, sure, but...]

Well... what do you wanna know?

Well...

What was it like? For you. Was it like prison?

Because...it sounds like you and Abel view it very differently.

[He stares at her for a moment, looking like he's frozen, then he looks away and sniffs slightly.]

Yeah, we do.

[Alexei rubs a hand over his face.]

Abel joined the Alliance by choice. I was conscripted.

[She bit her lip, and looked down at her hands. Yeah...that tracked.]

From a prison.

[She peered up at him.]

Wanna know a secret?

[A small nod. Yeah, from a prison. That probably gives her a good idea of how the dynamics were.

Then he cocks his head slightly.]

Sure.

[She leaned in and murmured,]

I dislike being in small confined spaces because of prison cells.

But mine was likely much...different then yours.

[He studies her for a moment. Aerith is someone who consistently surprises him with the things she says and the experiences she's had. Maybe that's why he's not as shocked as he could be to hear her say something like that.]

I'd bet.

[There's no reason for him to doubt her assumption.]

For me, prison was... [Huff.] Prison on the colonies is... it's bad. There are supposed to be rules, but Mars is a long fucking way from Earth.

Oh yeah. For me too. Last time was...a couple of days.

The morning, the doors were unlocked and me and my friends could escape.

The days I was there...I,was terrified. There was no one to stop...him from doing all the things he planned for me.

At least I got out with support. But you- they twisted your arm, right? You would have done anything to feel safe.

I know I would have.

[A frown.]

I got offered an out by the Alliance. Something that seemed easy. Just do what they said and they'd clear my record.

[He sniffs slightly and rubs his free hand around the back of his neck.]

I failed twice. Abel was my last shot. If I fucked it up with him they were gonna send me back. [There's a small, bitter smile at that.]

'Back where you belong', Bering would say. He knew sending me back there would be a death sentence.

That sounds horrible.

And they sound like super awful people. And...I've met some super awful people.

You did what you had to right? Just do the job, stay somewhere that's safer then where you were, whatever those crummy people said?

[Alexei...he was so young. Vulnerable. Trapped.

A perfect pawn.]

I won't ask what it is. I just know when you find a rope, you try to take it.

Even if it leaves blood on your hands.

You feel awful but...the Alliance- Bering- took advantage of you.

They hurt you. And they hurt Abel. They used you both.

[He lifts his tea to disguise the faint tremor in his hand, letting the cup rest against his lower lip for a couple of seconds as he focuses very intensely on a single blade of grass somewhere out in front of him.]

I knew what I was doing. [Alexei tells her quietly.] I could have done everything differently, but I didn't.

[He shakes his head.]

Abel got the worst version of me I could have been. It wasn't just the Alliance that hurt him. I did.

Yes. You did.

I'm not pretending you're perfect.

But you're not the worst either.

[She took in a deep breath.]

You feel guilt, and you admit you messed up. That's a long way from being the worst person.

And you're still my brother. And I love you.

And I'll still love you, even if you did something horrible to Abel.

[Alexei goes still, then exhales sharply and puts his arm around her to pull her in against his side so he can press a kiss against the side of her head.]

Love you too, little sister.

[And maybe his voice sounds just a little thick. Don't worry about the way his Russian accent is sliding in around the edges.]

It just... it makes it hard to feel justified being angry at him. When he does something fucking stupid.

[She smiles softly, before leaning against him, gently wrapping an arm around his waist in return. She squeezes gently, and leans her head against his arm for a few moments.]

Well...would it help if you'd ask yourself: would you be still angry about whatever stupid thing that was said if it was someone else? More so? Less?

But more...if you're angry at him...isn't that a chance to talk to him about your feelings?

[Huff...]

It's kind of a special case. No one else would say it. [He doesn't want to gossip, but she can probably tease it out of him if she keeps at it anyway.

Then he shakes his head a bit, looking down.]

And-- no. I'm not... I'm not good at talking through shit when I'm angry. I'll probably just say something I can't take back.

No one else?

[She raises her eyebrows. But that still had her lightly touch his arm in concern.]

Well...if you're not angry now...would you like to practice something? So you can say thay you need to tell him another time.

I am angry, Aerith, I just... I don't always shout and swear and kick shit around when I'm mad about something, okay?

[As unusual as that is for him, his anger is usually a short burst type of thing not this... sustained frustration.]

It's... personal stuff. Really personal. For both of us, or I'd just tell you. I don't want to... make him sound like a dick. Even if he's acting like one.

...mmm. If you did, it'd be...exhausting.

[She sighs. It worries her to see him like this. He's gotten so much better- less poised and ready to act as if he's in danger. But this can't be good for him.]

If it's not your story to tell, I won't ask. Personal is personal.

Is there anything you'd like me to do? Other than keep you company?

[Alexei stays quiet for a minute after she asks him that. He might be looking at a particular blade of grass or the tip of a finger, somewhere in the space in front of him.]

I don't know, really. I'm... [He rubs the back of his head.]

Abel, he's... he's the one person I've always been one hundred percent sure of here, you know? Even if things haven't always been great. And now I'm just... not.

[She wondered, watching him. What had changed with Abel. Why he wasn't as reliable as he once was. Maybe...she flexed her toes in her boots, thinking to herself.]

Well...what made him different to you? Is he...acting like someone else?

Or...does it feel like he's trying to move on without you somehow...?

[He opens his mouth with a quick breath as if he's about to dismiss that entirely, then frowns a little and lets it out again, shaking his head.

No, no... that isn't it at all.]

Don't think so. [Alexei mutters. It's an uncomfortable area of thought. Abel is so incredibly important to him, but...]

There's... [Mgh. He rubs a hand over his face.] Distance. But... he's not the one moving forward. I am.

...huh.

[She considered this. This was very serious, something upsetting him, could mean the end...or at least an awkward part of their relationship. But...she has to wonder.]

Is it so bad, that you're growing and changing?

Did I say that it was?

[He's not quite waspish, but there's a certain edge to his voice that warns of that particular topic not being one to push at.]

But I'm not— I'm not. That's the fucking thing. [His hands move in a short, frustrated gesture.] This— this guy, that I am right now? It's not some kind of new and improved version of me. It's just me. How I always was. How I was before.

[With a bit of extra damage, sure, but that isn't the point.]

I'm not giving anything or anyone here credit for the fact I have a fucking personality that doesn't revolve around being a manipulative dick.

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