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'Under pressure', huh.

[It is like Aerith to give someone grace like that, he thinks, and he looks at her curiously for a moment or two.]

That's what you're gonna call it?

[Aerith offered a soft laugh, and tucked some hair behind her ear.]

That's the kindest way to put it. I...well.

[She offered a sheepish shrug, before glancing around to check for privacy.]

Cetra are just about dead as a race. So it comes with a lot of pressure. Power and responsibility, and all that.

I'm just glad it never came up with Zack and I. We were just...two people, most of the time.

[A nod. She doesn't need to say any more than that. Even without the full context of it he can grasp the kind of pressure she might be under based on what she's told him before.

He reaches over to briefly squeeze her arm.]

Better to be like that, yeah? [Then a sigh, slow and heavy as he turns his eyes up to the ceiling.]

Me and Abel, we... we don't have anything like that, but... there's history there that makes it hard to just be two people together, sometimes.

It's the ideal.

[She got to laugh at Zack when he tried doing a blond streak, he made fun of her for being so fussy about being cute. And they enjoyed being themselves. The most important part.]

But you two don't have that. So...it seems it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Not that I'm saying anything new. I'm sure it's been difficult just to be here.

Mmn.

[A shrug. It isn't something he gets into that much because honestly, it's a tired topic.]

There's a gap there. Abel doesn't... get what it feels like to be in prison. Not like I do. But at least he's stopped trying to get me to play along with this shitshow.

Oh no.

[She winced. Abel...could be so smart. But also real dense.]

Do you have any...rules, that you use for being here?

Like...I can't picture you using the Inmate showers.

[Too exposed.]

['How can someone so smart be so fucking stupid' is something that has crossed Alexei's mind more than once.

But then he looks over at her with a wry smile.]

You can't? Alliance had communal showers too. I use Abel's sometimes. Or Florian's. [Shrug.] But if I need to I'll use those. Just make sure it's quiet. Usually is.

[He shakes his head a bit.]

Less need to defend myself from a shiv in the back here, and I don't give a shit if anyone sees my bare ass. They can look all they want.

I'm sure your butt is very nice.

[Not that she's looked. That'd be weird to do to a sibling.]

But it's the shiv thing I was thinking of, not your butt. I'm not sure how it was with the Alliance. Neither have you have told me about it.

[He tilts his head slightly. Not his favourite topic, sure, but...]

Well... what do you wanna know?

Well...

What was it like? For you. Was it like prison?

Because...it sounds like you and Abel view it very differently.

[He stares at her for a moment, looking like he's frozen, then he looks away and sniffs slightly.]

Yeah, we do.

[Alexei rubs a hand over his face.]

Abel joined the Alliance by choice. I was conscripted.

[She bit her lip, and looked down at her hands. Yeah...that tracked.]

From a prison.

[She peered up at him.]

Wanna know a secret?

[A small nod. Yeah, from a prison. That probably gives her a good idea of how the dynamics were.

Then he cocks his head slightly.]

Sure.

[She leaned in and murmured,]

I dislike being in small confined spaces because of prison cells.

But mine was likely much...different then yours.

[He studies her for a moment. Aerith is someone who consistently surprises him with the things she says and the experiences she's had. Maybe that's why he's not as shocked as he could be to hear her say something like that.]

I'd bet.

[There's no reason for him to doubt her assumption.]

For me, prison was... [Huff.] Prison on the colonies is... it's bad. There are supposed to be rules, but Mars is a long fucking way from Earth.

Oh yeah. For me too. Last time was...a couple of days.

The morning, the doors were unlocked and me and my friends could escape.

The days I was there...I,was terrified. There was no one to stop...him from doing all the things he planned for me.

At least I got out with support. But you- they twisted your arm, right? You would have done anything to feel safe.

I know I would have.

[A frown.]

I got offered an out by the Alliance. Something that seemed easy. Just do what they said and they'd clear my record.

[He sniffs slightly and rubs his free hand around the back of his neck.]

I failed twice. Abel was my last shot. If I fucked it up with him they were gonna send me back. [There's a small, bitter smile at that.]

'Back where you belong', Bering would say. He knew sending me back there would be a death sentence.

That sounds horrible.

And they sound like super awful people. And...I've met some super awful people.

You did what you had to right? Just do the job, stay somewhere that's safer then where you were, whatever those crummy people said?

[Alexei...he was so young. Vulnerable. Trapped.

A perfect pawn.]

I won't ask what it is. I just know when you find a rope, you try to take it.

Even if it leaves blood on your hands.

You feel awful but...the Alliance- Bering- took advantage of you.

They hurt you. And they hurt Abel. They used you both.

[He lifts his tea to disguise the faint tremor in his hand, letting the cup rest against his lower lip for a couple of seconds as he focuses very intensely on a single blade of grass somewhere out in front of him.]

I knew what I was doing. [Alexei tells her quietly.] I could have done everything differently, but I didn't.

[He shakes his head.]

Abel got the worst version of me I could have been. It wasn't just the Alliance that hurt him. I did.

Yes. You did.

I'm not pretending you're perfect.

But you're not the worst either.

[She took in a deep breath.]

You feel guilt, and you admit you messed up. That's a long way from being the worst person.

And you're still my brother. And I love you.

And I'll still love you, even if you did something horrible to Abel.

[Alexei goes still, then exhales sharply and puts his arm around her to pull her in against his side so he can press a kiss against the side of her head.]

Love you too, little sister.

[And maybe his voice sounds just a little thick. Don't worry about the way his Russian accent is sliding in around the edges.]

It just... it makes it hard to feel justified being angry at him. When he does something fucking stupid.

[She smiles softly, before leaning against him, gently wrapping an arm around his waist in return. She squeezes gently, and leans her head against his arm for a few moments.]

Well...would it help if you'd ask yourself: would you be still angry about whatever stupid thing that was said if it was someone else? More so? Less?

But more...if you're angry at him...isn't that a chance to talk to him about your feelings?

[Huff...]

It's kind of a special case. No one else would say it. [He doesn't want to gossip, but she can probably tease it out of him if she keeps at it anyway.

Then he shakes his head a bit, looking down.]

And-- no. I'm not... I'm not good at talking through shit when I'm angry. I'll probably just say something I can't take back.

No one else?

[She raises her eyebrows. But that still had her lightly touch his arm in concern.]

Well...if you're not angry now...would you like to practice something? So you can say thay you need to tell him another time.

I am angry, Aerith, I just... I don't always shout and swear and kick shit around when I'm mad about something, okay?

[As unusual as that is for him, his anger is usually a short burst type of thing not this... sustained frustration.]

It's... personal stuff. Really personal. For both of us, or I'd just tell you. I don't want to... make him sound like a dick. Even if he's acting like one.

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