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[planetdialup]

 

 

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[nonfictional]

That's decidedly unmanly. Alan looks over at Aerith, his thoughts clearly written on his face, but he's also kind of considering it. After all, it's Aerith.

"You gonna be the one doing the braiding?"

[planetdialup]

She only smiled back at him. She can see the thoughts on Alan's face, but it was possible, very possible she'd get her way.

"Of course. It's my request. It'd only be fair if I braided it in."

She might see if she could to it to her groom or others too. She thought it was a cute idea.

[nonfictional]

"If it's the bride taking time out of her special day to help me, I guess I have to." He's smiling despite the reluctant words, though a thought crosses his mind.

"Hey. Aerith. When I graduate--and you graduate someone--you should come visit Alice and I some time."

[planetdialup]

"Clearly." She was smiling still, though that offer had her glance his way. To meet Alice...she did want to know her. She was curious about the woman Alan was clearly deeply in love with.

"I'd like that." She smiled up at Alan. "You'd have to take me on a full tour you know. I want to go to at least one greasy spoon."

[nonfictional]

Alan's smile comes easy to him in return.

"Of course. And a real bodega. John Doe can make a great bacon egg and cheese, though, you should talk to him. You'll at least get some of the experience."

It's nice, he thinks, to offer that to someone. A place. It's one hell of a motivator. He just wishes he knew what the fuck the magic thing to do to graduate even is. A thought occurs to him, a quiet whisper at first but he starts to broach if after a few seconds.

"You've had a few months of wardening under your belt now, right?"

[planetdialup]

"Oh." Her eyes lit up. "I didn't know he could."

Now she had to bug John for food. Well, at least she was happy to make foods for others. She was ready to make sure that Alan had sandwiches in the fridge, if he didn't mind her trying to fuss over him again.

"But I'd like that. I'd like a visit- and have Zack come along too. I don't think he's been to a Bodega."

She was pretty sure she hadn't either. But she'd like to.

But the rosy thoughts were interrupted by Alan's question.

"Yeah? I haven't been permanent paired yet, but soon maybe. What's up?"

[nonfictional]

Alan's nodding, encouraging the other as she peaks. He doubts John will mind if Zack comes along--he's the kind of guy who offers his bathroom if an inmate needs a shower. No way he'd mind.

"What do you think separates you guys from us? Not just power or responsibility wise, but... Do you think it's just atonement?"

[planetdialup]

There's some other things that she and John needed to cover. She'd be happy to bring him tea or muffins or something because breakfast foods were great.

But Alan poised an interesting question. Aerith tilted her head, and considered.

"I think there may be a mindset. Or maybe...a responsibility we take for what we've done." Aerith shook her head a little. "We're for sure not perfect. That's for sure."

[nonfictional]

"No," Alan agrees. They aren't perfect at all. "But that's what makes it work." A half-smile.

"I've been trying to figure it out, the inmate-warden thing. It's a very thin line."

[planetdialup]

"Well...maybe...let's make it a thought exercise."

Aerith spread her hands. "If you were a warden, who would you be? What have you become in order to take responsibility and show someone what to do? Who do you want to be?"

[nonfictional]

Alan lifts his head up.

"Really? We're doing this?" He'll at least try it, though. Aerith really does have him wrapped around her fingers. He sighs.

"I don't know," he answers honestly. "I don't even know if I want to be a warden. There's people here I want to help, things I want to do back home, but..."

No. He's thinking practically. He trails off, sets himself up again. Treats the thought exercise as such, pretends he's writing about a character and not himself.

"Well. We need a proper arc, right? An internal realization, like you said. That comes first. A better version of me, but something that's still structurally me. That's important."

[planetdialup]

"Yup." He wasn't the only one wrapped around her little finger. Poor Alan. Maybe poor Alan.

Aerith pulled back and turned so they could watch each other.

"So there needs to be an epiphany." She nodded. "And that can't be forced. And that means no regression. So...what's this Warden Alan look like? Personality wise?"

[nonfictional]

This is swerving way too close to being vulnerable. Alan looks visibly pained for a few moments before he literally grits his teeth and pulls himself together. It's just a conversation, Wake. But God, he knows why his mind put Aerith in the place of Alice. Now more than ever.

He sighs, annoyed but more at himself.

"I don't know. The same, I guess. Aerith--I've been going through this gradual change thing for a while and I've got to be honest, it's fucking tiring."

[planetdialup]

There was a reason why Alice had been such an easy fit for her. She didn't sigh. She knew he was trying so hard, and this was stumping him. If he knew, he'd already be on the road to graduation.

"No...it would be tiring. It's a lot of pressure." She reached out to gently pat him on the shoulder. "And I know you want to get back to Alice. And no...you're not wrong to feel tired, irritable, and helpless about it."

Aerith understood. She had to go through some things to accept that her life was different now.

"I wish I could tell you what the solution is. But I guess the only thing I can think of is..." She trailed off. "You're not going to like it Alan."

[nonfictional]

Uh-oh. Alan glances over, brows raised, mentally bracing himself despite his calm expression.

"Not going to like what?"

Aerith is probably right, whatever it is. So Alan makes it a point to attempt to be as accepting of the answer as possible.

[planetdialup]

"What my guess is." She sighed, looking him in the face.

"From my guess, it's about taking responsibility for your actions."

She lightly touched her chest. "I've made mistakes. But before I came, I did step up. Tried to even. I've spoken to Hilbert and Corvo. It doesn't have to be extremes. Just...a thought."

[nonfictional]

It's a thought. It's a good thought, too, and Alan knows in the back of his head that Aerith is absolutely right. He doesn't agree with it, if the way he shoots her a look is anything to go by, face right set right back into a brooding look, but he doesn't have the heart to actually snap. Aerith, it seems, plays by Alice rules now.

Shit.

He sighs, heavy and noncommittal, and opts out of being Perceived like this as best as he can instead of getting too annoyed.

"You talked to Corvo? Manage to get more than three sentences out of him?"

[planetdialup]

Aerith was wondering when the anger would pop up. She could see the thunder broiling. So she waited.

And was a little surprised when he didn't snap or lash out. It had been pointed, and difficult thing to hear. Gently, Aerith gave Alan's arm a squeeze. Just thankful that he didn't lash out.

"Yes? Corvo and I can be positively chatty given the chance." Aerith tilted her head, offering a semi amused, semi puzzled look. "What, is he always quiet and brooding around you?"

[nonfictional]

"We hardly talk," Alan says simply, and there's a bit of a grin on his face.

"He's definitely someone I'd call a friend."

[planetdialup]

"Yeah, that's him." She laughed. Poor Corvo. The former assassin had grown on her with each meeting really.

"We had a kinda awkward first meeting. He told me he was the reason about the signs on the stairs- the ones about this place being real."

[nonfictional]

"They're pretty helpful," Alan admits, and makes it a point to ask Corvo about it later.

"I don't think that guy knows how to be normal. I tried to hit him with my flashlight when we first met. Snuck up on me my second day here."

[planetdialup]

"I hope that doesn't mean you're a stab first ask later sort of guy." Her tease was gentle and she patted his arm to show she didn't mean it at all.

"And I think Corvo is as normal as he can get." She offered a gentle shrug. "His world seems very...very different from what little he's told me."

[nonfictional]

"I was when I first arrived," he says, clearly not offended. "Kind of like Corvo, I guess." Who really is fairly normal considering.

"Everyone seems to come from a really bad place if they're an inmate."

[planetdialup]

"Well, thanks for not stabbing me." She smiled at him. She was still semi joking, but...what had Alan gone through? She wondered.

"Well...if they're coming in dead...that sadly makes sense. No wonder they come in all jittery."

[nonfictional]

'Jittery' is the correct word and also a completely absurd one. Alan doesn't bother to hide the mild surprise flickering across his features at it.

"Definitely something most of us needed to adjust for," he agrees. He frowns, mulling it over. He'd been ready. That's the difference, he thinks. However minuscule. He may not remember the conversation with the admirable, but he knows he'd been willing. This is too good an opportunity to pass up.