Alan stills again, pacing ceasing. He's not ready for the full story yet, but Aerith's words are firm and gentle, cutting through the truth of things and Alan's self indulgent bullshit in a very familiar manner.
He's not ready to say. Not fully. But he brought this up, and he owes Aerith an explanation, even if it's not the full one. Especially after everything that's happened. He grits his teeth, running a hand through his hair to tuck the length of it back behind his ears.
"I hurt someone very close to Saga as a means of motivation. Something to drive her to the horror story and put her in a position where she could help me. That's why I'm here."
She was pushing. She knew she was. But it felt like this was something that he needed to say, without all of his excuses and lies that he was giving to himself. He was drowning, and he grabbed onto what he could in order to escape and survive.
Everyone did foolish things when the chips were down. She had done the same, and it cost her her life. And that was still causing pain for the people she loved years later.
"You hurt Saga so she'd do what you wanted. As a story hook." She considered this. And she pushed herself up, moving to dust off her knees. But she didn't scold him, or walk away. Instead, she looked up at him with her bright green eyes.
Aerith gets up, too, but Alan can't meet her gaze. He tries--a little shift to those green eyes before purposefully looking away. The brunette's got it in one.
"No." A pause. That's not right. He furrows his brows. Subconscious slip--he knows he should. Properly. He does his best to fight off the sudden burning feeling in his chest, clenching and unclenching his fists, fighting off his own personal thoughts and forcing himself to stay focused.
"Yes," he corrects himself, crossing his arms. "Before the barge, when we were working together. She knows."
It's hard to meet her eyes when she was looking at him and expecting answers.
"She knows what you did? Or she knows you regret it?"
Aerith didn't approach him. But she watched him, her gaze neutral, hands clasped in front of her.
"Because those are two different things Alan." And it sounded to her that there wasn't any apology. And Saga would have figured it out. She was clever.
"I'm taking care of it." Alan's words are short, curt, and immediate--when he does look at Aerith it's with a stern look, close to a warning. Anger rising. It's not fair to Aerith--none of this is--but Alan's stubbornness is bleeding through.
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He's not ready to say. Not fully. But he brought this up, and he owes Aerith an explanation, even if it's not the full one. Especially after everything that's happened. He grits his teeth, running a hand through his hair to tuck the length of it back behind his ears.
"I hurt someone very close to Saga as a means of motivation. Something to drive her to the horror story and put her in a position where she could help me. That's why I'm here."
no subject
Everyone did foolish things when the chips were down. She had done the same, and it cost her her life. And that was still causing pain for the people she loved years later.
"You hurt Saga so she'd do what you wanted. As a story hook." She considered this. And she pushed herself up, moving to dust off her knees. But she didn't scold him, or walk away. Instead, she looked up at him with her bright green eyes.
"Have you apologized?"
no subject
"No." A pause. That's not right. He furrows his brows. Subconscious slip--he knows he should. Properly. He does his best to fight off the sudden burning feeling in his chest, clenching and unclenching his fists, fighting off his own personal thoughts and forcing himself to stay focused.
"Yes," he corrects himself, crossing his arms. "Before the barge, when we were working together. She knows."
no subject
"She knows what you did? Or she knows you regret it?"
Aerith didn't approach him. But she watched him, her gaze neutral, hands clasped in front of her.
"Because those are two different things Alan." And it sounded to her that there wasn't any apology. And Saga would have figured it out. She was clever.
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no subject
"Okay." She told him. "All right." Some things, it seemed, he wasn't ready to face just yet.