"The same reason we were angry with them only...he had the added misery of feeling like he was going against his own people." He gently strokes her hair, toying with the ends. "He and I had that in common."
He smiles and happily obliges, taking his time as he does. "Ah, of course. Is there a significance to it?" he wonders. Not because he's avoiding the other topic but because he wants her to feel comfortable.
He still combs his fingers through her hair, marveling at it, at the
length. "Most humans keep theirs short. Does it serve a purpose? Do you
braid it to attract a mate?"
"I like bright colors." She smiled at Sym, though it faded a little. "I used to wear white and blue a lot. But, I made a promise, and that promise...well, it became a habit. I've tried dressing in different colors since coming to the Barge, sometimes."
Aerith nodded. "What I wanted to make it Zack is to make it offical, that I love him, and want to be with him and only him. But...we didn't talk about that. Maybe it was only me."
"And maybe it wasn't. But you do not know the answer to that question and it isn't fair to punish yourself to believe the answer that hurts the most," he points out softly.
"Grief can do that, I've seen. It makes people become something that they are not. Something they never thought they would ever be," he says, stroking the newly braided hair. He presses a gentle kiss to her forehead.
She closed her eyes, and offered a shuddery little sigh.
"Some days, I'm not sure. But I want to help people. I want to help my inmate, Ciel. I want to help Cloud graduate. I love my people here. And my planet...my planet needs help. But am I doing what's right...? Sometimes...I don't know Sym."
"I think you must recognize that you are not doing anything wrong by being here. That you have a duty to take care of and that is what you must do. And while it isn't something that you want or something that you might otherwise choose, it isn't inherently bad or wrong to enjoy yourself here," he says. "The people you love, the people who care about you - Zack and Cloud and your Ceil - they gain nothing by your misery."
She considered that, fretting at her lip. What Sym was saying- it was true. None of them would want her to feel miserable, or wrecked with guilt. Even Ciel, for all she knew him the least and was her duty.
"And I take that duty seriously." Her voice was soft. "But I'll try to be...open to being happy." She was quiet for a little while. "Is it hard sometimes, back home? When you're not sure if happiness or duty is more important?"
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A beat and- "if you want to take out my braid, I don't mind. Just not the ribbon on the top please."
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"I see. Well, I won't touch it."
He still combs his fingers through her hair, marveling at it, at the length. "Most humans keep theirs short. Does it serve a purpose? Do you braid it to attract a mate?"
He is mostly teasing.
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"A mate? No, no." She giggled quietly. "I just...kept it long. I've always grown it out."
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He starts plaiting smaller braids from the ribbon and down her back.
"It suits you. You dress in such bright colors."
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She made herself comfortable in his arms. "That would be...over five years ago."
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"Ah, I see. And did you wear it here? When you saw him?" he wonders softly.
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"I suppose. I know the word, but everyone seems to use it differently," he admits.
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She wilted a little.
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"I've been doing that a lot since he was forced off the Barge. Sorry. I didn't mean to do that."
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"What keeps you here?"
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"Some days, I'm not sure. But I want to help people. I want to help my inmate, Ciel. I want to help Cloud graduate. I love my people here. And my planet...my planet needs help. But am I doing what's right...? Sometimes...I don't know Sym."
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"But if you are, then you are not helping anyone by making decisions based in guilt."
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"Right. You're right. What...should I do then? To ease the guilt, do you think?"
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"And I take that duty seriously." Her voice was soft. "But I'll try to be...open to being happy." She was quiet for a little while. "Is it hard sometimes, back home? When you're not sure if happiness or duty is more important?"
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