Good. Wouldn't want you forgetting about the day Vincent found a sense of humor just to use it against me.
[Absolutely deadpan.]
U-uh...well, yeah.
[Maybe if he just avoids the stuff question entirely, she won't press for more.]
He won't do anything until I insist five times that yes, I do actually want to do it and no, I'm not gonna regret it fifteen minutes later. And...for the holiday, he gave me a ring that'll tell me if anything around me isn't real. Like those nightmares when Hanna fucked up the ship, or...voices nobody else hears...stuff like that.
[Aerith doesn't even have any idea what Cloud's sexual experience is, and she's getting on his case for not understanding what he's doing? That's a step too far.
He huffs out an exasperated sigh. She's going to get upset, he knows, so he tries not to sound annoyed. Every trace of self-consciousness he might have had is gone.]
Yeah, it does. And no, you shouldn't have. Aerith...I know you want to be a good friend and help me, and believe me, I appreciate it. More than I could ever put into words. But you're not my warden, and you're not responsible for taking care of me or watching over me. What I do with Sephiroth is nobody's business but ours, inmates or not. You don't trust Sephiroth, I get it, and I don't blame you.
But it'd be nice to feel like you trusted me. Sephiroth didn't give me that ring because he was worried about my judgment. He did it because I was worried about my judgment, and he wanted me to have the confidence in myself that he already has in me.
...thanks. [His tone is softer now.] Y'know, the reason Sephiroth thinks of this stuff is because he's...trying to make up for the way he treated me back then. It's like he's giving back the choices he took away from me. That's...part of why he gave me the black materia, too. It doesn't undo what I did, or what he did, but...it was a reversal I think we both needed. To be able to move past our history.
[What Yazoo told him lingers in his mind. It's not just that she saved his life - which she's done many times over - but she sent him back from the dead. It's just shy of unbelievable.]
There's just some stuff only Sephiroth can help with. Just like there's some stuff only you can, and Vincent...everybody. And I wanna help all of you, too.
Cloud, right now? That wasn't me. I haven't done shit.
[She failed to stop everything in time. Maybe she is capable of all of these things in the future- wonderful, impossible things- but that's a future her. Someone who saved the planet, who wrecked a city that had been her home, and just...let her friends suffer while she chilled in the Lifestream.]
But...yeah. If you want to help? You're always welcome to.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Which she planned to keep. Because she loves that pic.]
Stuff as in stuff in bed, if that's where you've gotten up to with him.
Like...he does things with your permission, asks if you're okay with things?
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[Absolutely deadpan.]
U-uh...well, yeah.
[Maybe if he just avoids the stuff question entirely, she won't press for more.]
He won't do anything until I insist five times that yes, I do actually want to do it and no, I'm not gonna regret it fifteen minutes later. And...for the holiday, he gave me a ring that'll tell me if anything around me isn't real. Like those nightmares when Hanna fucked up the ship, or...voices nobody else hears...stuff like that.
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[Extremely cheerfully.]
Well- he better ask you. And you better have an understanding what you're doing. Have you asked around? Read up on it?
[Yeah she's adamant on helping about stuff. But also...]
That ring...helps you protect your mind?
...I should have asked John for something like that for you. Still- I'm glad you have it.
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[Aerith doesn't even have any idea what Cloud's sexual experience is, and she's getting on his case for not understanding what he's doing? That's a step too far.
He huffs out an exasperated sigh. She's going to get upset, he knows, so he tries not to sound annoyed. Every trace of self-consciousness he might have had is gone.]
Yeah, it does. And no, you shouldn't have. Aerith...I know you want to be a good friend and help me, and believe me, I appreciate it. More than I could ever put into words. But you're not my warden, and you're not responsible for taking care of me or watching over me. What I do with Sephiroth is nobody's business but ours, inmates or not. You don't trust Sephiroth, I get it, and I don't blame you.
But it'd be nice to feel like you trusted me. Sephiroth didn't give me that ring because he was worried about my judgment. He did it because I was worried about my judgment, and he wanted me to have the confidence in myself that he already has in me.
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I do trust you.
[She offered a soft sigh.]
I just...wish I thought of the ring. For you. It's a wonderful gift.
I know you're resilient. You can handle a lot.
I'm sorry Cloud. I'll...stop.
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[Her voice is soft.]
I'm glad he's given you things to help you. With...everything.
[And she is. And it's good to know. But she knows her words feel like they're...hollow, somehow.]
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[What Yazoo told him lingers in his mind. It's not just that she saved his life - which she's done many times over - but she sent him back from the dead. It's just shy of unbelievable.]
There's just some stuff only Sephiroth can help with. Just like there's some stuff only you can, and Vincent...everybody. And I wanna help all of you, too.
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[She failed to stop everything in time. Maybe she is capable of all of these things in the future- wonderful, impossible things- but that's a future her. Someone who saved the planet, who wrecked a city that had been her home, and just...let her friends suffer while she chilled in the Lifestream.]
But...yeah. If you want to help? You're always welcome to.
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[It's sincere, but also just slightly lighter in tone.]
But...I don't know how. What can I do? What do you need?
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[She blows out a breath.]
I'm not sure; I'm not people asking me what I want or need. Maybe I need to think about it?
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[There's a pause after Aerith's suggestion.]
...okay. But promise me you'll really think about it and you'll tell me when you come up with something.
[Instead of just conveniently shuffling it to the back of her mind because she never wants to take the time to help herself.]
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[If she did more harm than good. Maybe she's just having one of those days she's filled with doubts.]
I will really think of something Cloud. Promise.
[It just might take awhile. Some things she's not used to thinking about. She might also forget. She does tend to get busy.]
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